There I was, standing chest deep in the ocean, wearing children’s waders and getting beaten by huge waves that poured over and into the neoprene legs and booties.
There I was a week later, several hundred miles away from the previous spot, slip sliding through mud, again wearing children’s waders, trying futilely to rinse the silty, thick muck from my arms and clothing
There I was 36 hours later squatting on a muddy grassy lump (again in children’s waders), feeling my thighs burn while cigarette smoke from a woman nearby wafts into my nose.
Now, here I am, at home, with a sore body but also with a freezer full of beautiful Alaskan sockeye salmon fillets and another 12 fish to process. I caught all of them in a freaking net! How cool is that?
Claiming to be a fisherwoman would be a loooooong stretch for me. I grew up lake fishing once in awhile in Minnesota. Truthfully, it was always a bit boring to me. I’d end up reading or writing poetry in the boat, tired of watching my little white and red bobber that never seemed to bob. Plus, I didn’t like to eat fish! Even through college and young adulthood, I had plenty of friends that liked to fish but I never got into it. Again, I would go along to be on the water in beautiful areas, but I’d always have a book and a journal. I was fishing for thoughts or something, right?
There is something poetic about this fish carcass…sorry if you don’t agree!
Since moving to Alaska, I’ve gone fishing a handful of times—the first time going on a halibut charter with my dad. It was thrilling and beautiful and rejuvenating! After that trip I thought to myself, I could be a person who fishes. All I needed was a forty five foot yacht, a handsome deckhand to bait hooks, maintain equipment and clean fish, and a captain to drive said boat. Not too much to ask?
A paid charter can bring you to some beautiful places, like this 5 a.m. spot on the Gulkana River.
Earlier this summer my dad visited and we went on another fishing trip—this time to hook king salmon on the Gulkana River, a tributary of the Copper River, where world class salmon are caught and shared with the world! I hadn’t used a rod and reel in a LONG time, but luckily we again had a guide who had really nice fishing poles and taught us how to use them. My dad got a 25 pound beautiful king pretty early on in the trip, so that was encouraging; however as the day progressed I was convinced that I wouldn’t catch a thing. I did lose one fish, but in the end I didn’t get one. There were a couple hours in there where I reverted into my old “fishing” habits, saying to myself I wish I had a pen and paper to write poems….I wish I had a book to read all the while furiously casting and reeling in line after line after line after line. My thoughts were turning toward this is the most expensive sunburn I’ve ever gotten…Why in the world do people fish for fun?….I’d rather be doing anything else with my time right now. The negative thoughts faded very quickly after eating some food, but the longing for writing or reading stuck. In the end, it was a lovely day on a lovely river and a great adventure with my dad. Plus, we had king salmon for dinner!
My pops with his king!
Again, after the salmon trip, I thought, I could be a fisherwoman. Our guide gave us really good pointers about the behaviors of salmon and other fish. Now I was intrigued! Maybe my grandpa and others shared their fish behavior knowledge with me as a kid and I just didn’t care; but I bet we just went out fishing and didn’t really talk about the why’s and what’s of fish habitat. As a dirt worshipping nature lover, this is what I found hooked me on the idea that fishing is, in fact, not just for suckers. Maybe I could give this fishing thing a try.
But, first I just wanted to get a lot of fish.
This is a lot of fish for me 🙂
Let’s take a step back here—it’s been awhile since I’ve written! One of the reasons I’ve missed posts is just a general sense of overwhelm in our day to day right now. It was a rough first half of this year with loss and not getting jobs that I’ve really wanted because I’m not willing to work full time. I’m not working on the farm this year because I couldn’t justify childcare and getting work done with them in tow is incredibly stressful and inefficient (it would be different if it was my own operation) and just the general exhaustion of having three young kids is enough. I was starting to feel pretty worthless. I know, I know I’m doing the world’s most important job or whatever, but that doesn’t hold a lot of clout when your down and out and live in a time and place where money is king and worth is often calculated by your salary. My logical brain knows that what I’m doing is important, it is finite, it is magical in many ways; and I am so SO lucky to be able to stay home with kids. So, I’ve tried to focus on ways that I can provide for my family outside of endless dishes and piles of laundry (and also beyond the fairly consumptive activities to enrich childhood!).
How I love these days with my babies.
We planted a fine little container garden with tomatoes, zucchini, sweet peppers, kale, cucumbers, potatoes, strawberries, herbs and a few other yummy things. I intended to also get out some peas, carrots and other greens; but it didn’t happen, and that’s okay. The are all doing quite well! This was all great, but I wanted to get some protein into our rotation, and livestock isn’t an option with our current rental situation. So, I turned to the sea!
Dipnetting is a method of catching fish without a rod and reel. You literally just put a net in the water, wait for a fish to get caught in it, drag it on shore, dispatch the fish and continue! My friend, Amanda, is my adventure buddy. Earlier this summer we went on a thirteen mile adventure run, crossing hip deep frigid rivers and bushwhacking through miles of unkempt trail. It was awesome! Last week we ventured four hours south to the mouth of the Kenai River. We got our tent set up at 2 a.m. and woke up at 6:30 to stand in the beating waves with other Alaskans. It is a fascinating cultural experience! A bunch of people standing in nearly arctic waters, staring out at the water, side by side, cheering other dip netters on as they flip and drag their huge five foot nets on the end of 10-20 foot poles to shore. It was my first time and I felt that familiar you aren’t going to catch anything pull on my brain as everyone around me dragged in fish after fish. One of the guys next to us pulled in at least six fish before I got my first one.
Our fish camp in Kenai. Didn’t get to sleep much in that tent, but it was cozy!
But my first one came! And then another and then four more. Not too shabby for a first timer, I think (for perspective the guy next to us who obviously knew what he was doing got 35 fish in the time it took two of us to get 11!) . The fish were pretty big, 10-12 pounds and beautiful silver with bright red flesh. Dispatching them isn’t pretty or easy, but I got the hang of it. I always say thank you and sorry to the fish before I whack them….Other people who heard me must have thought untoward things, I did hear whispers of “mumble mumble soft these days mumble mumble.” Ha! If being reverent and grateful for your food makes you soft, I’ll take it. We could only fish one tide before we had to head back north, but now we know what to expect for next year.
Fish Creek mud. We got 24 fish between us in an hour!
This week I’ve been fishing on Fish Creek which is about 45 minutes from my house. It only opens to dip netting when a 35,000 fish escapement is projected. This year it was only open for five days. One morning I went and caught eleven fish in an hour and last night I went and caught two fish in three hours. The best part of last night was watching a guy next to me lose fish after fish after fish. He lost several after he had them landed and they squirmed back into the water! Amazing. He finally caught a fish that didn’t get away and it was the smallest salmon I’ve ever seen (it might have been a trout?). Really hilarious to watch, probably not great to be him. It is a variable life, this life as an outdoors-person (which I wouldn’t consider myself…yet)!
Fishing can be a family affair. Thanks, Opal!
So, we’ve gotten nineteen fish, mostly sockeye (also called red) salmon. That’s probably plenty for our family, but I’d love to get more for parties and gifts. Alaskans are allowed to get 25 fish for head of household and then 10 more for each additional member in their household. Sooooo, that means we could get 46 more fish…which seems excessive and definitely impossible with our time and resources. However, I’ll go one more time next week at the mouth of Kasilof river. Hopefully we’ll get a couple more to round out our catch.
I’m getting better at processing the fishies. I will use as much of the fish as I can and bury the carcasses under trees or the bottom of the compost pile. So many good nutrients in there!
I’m looking forward to all of the yummy dinners, fish tacos and ceviches in our future. I’m equally excited to learn about smoking and canning. My friend also gave me a super easy method to make lox. Gotta love lox and bagel, smoked salmon, salmon dip…mmmmm.
And now it’s time to gather berries! Gotta love what nature provides.
Until next time Farmgirl friends, Take it easy!
Sending Peace and love from Alaska,
Alex, the Rural Farmgirl
Laura R. 
Alexandra Wilson 
Marti 
Maureen Griffin 
Rebecca 
Colleen H. 
Cindy Stoll 
Melly 
Lorrie MacKenzie 
Diann 
Deni 
Karen Pennebaker 
Pamela K. Coughlin 
idamarie 
Beth 
Marilyn 
Janet Kynerd 
Deborah Davis 
Deb Bosworth 
Charlene Littlewood 
Marlene C 
Bonnie Ellis 
Linda Stiglich 
Pamela 
Breahna 
Laura Burke 
Sharon 
Laurel Pries 
Kathy 
Sandi King 
Susan 
Debbie 
Donna 
Patricia Baker 
Char Rathman 
Lori Fresina 
Jennifer 
You are a brave and powerful woman with a beautiful family. Stay well.
Thank you for the kind words, Marlene. Take care!
Thank you for coming back to us! Ï read every word and plan to go back. For You to put down your deep feelings and joys and fears and determination is such A SPECIAL GIFT to all who are able to read this! You seem to realize there are hundreds or thousands of us who will read this and draw strength and comfort from your words. …Ï appreciate your valuable time and writing skill that brings all of us together as we read your words. Love from a friend you never met in Ohio.
*sniff* Thank you, Mary (for making me tear up!). It is a strange and powerful time to be alive, that’s for sure. So glad to hear you could draw strength and comfort. It definitely felt good to write!
Oh! How I have missed you. Life has been a struggle these last months for everyone.
I love your new baby’s pictures. I just have to brag. In January 2021 I became a great grandmother! New babies have a talent to send sparkles of love through out the family.
Take care. I hope to see you back on your blog very soon.
PB
Wow, a great grandmother! What an honor. I dream to achieve that some day. My grandmother singing to my babies are some of my most cherished memories. Thanks for “bragging”/sharing your good news with us and congratulations!
Thanks for sharing your experiences in the this last year. It has been challenging but uplifting at the same time. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you, Lily and right back at you!
So glad you’re back! I missed you and wondered if everything was ok. I even sent a message over Mary Jane’s website asking what happened to your blog but never heard back. Take care and write when you can!
Sorry to make you worry, Catherine! That was my worst fear in not writing. Thank you for attempting to check in; it really means a lot!
Your babies are all so beautiful….enjoy the journey!
Thank you, Pat! I have to agree with you 🙂
Alex!! You have four babies!! HOW would you have time to write? For me, anytime you feel like writing is great. Congratulations on your beautiful family! ❤️
Aw, thanks, Meredith! It felt so good to write. So cathartic and freeing!
Beautiful family,Glad you are back!
Thank you Charlene! It’s good to be back.
So glad you are back. You have been busy in the most important of ways. Many blessings to you and yours.
Thank you, Maureen! It feels so good to be back!
You encapsulated every feeling of my own personal experience in your first couple of paragraphs, minus the baby (who is beautiful and darling by the way). It has only been in the last month that I could pick up my pen to write and even then it was letters to friends. When I read those first couple of paragraphs you wrote, it was like you were reciting verbatim from my journal. I was doing okay until winter struck and couldn’t be outside like I wanted to be. The walls of my beautiful home normally make me feel cozy, warm and safe during the winter but this time it has felt more like a prison. I slowly lost interest in all the things that I normally enjoy. The holidays might as well have never happened. Anxiety was creeping in and during the political unrest came to head. I can count on one hand the number of stores I have been in since October and I do not need all five of those fingers! I didn’t have the added stress of children in the home. I know it is stress but as you have shown, they are a wonderful diversion, too. You are very blessed. I have been in awe that MaryJane’s magazine has continued to come because I don’t know how they have maintained their creativity through this time. While this pandemic has been so awful I have seen some good things come out of it. Keep looking for those good things and focusing on the love of friends and family. We will endure!
I just want YOU to know that YOU aren’t alone either. You wrote from your heart and it resonated with mine. It was brave, it was honest and it was giving. Thank you!
Wow, Thanks, Lisa! It is hard, isn’t it? We know these things will help, but actually doing them is a different story. Interesting that you mention MJF’s ability to maintain creativity. I’m not really a New Year’s Resolution kinda gal, but decided that this is the year to focus on being more creative. Doing art, singing, dancing, writing, cooking, and building make everyone in my family very happy, but I am often on the sidelines managing these endeavors instead of participating. I’m going to hop in more and try to pursue more of my own. Thank you for your note of solidarity! Very much appreciated.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful life during these challenging days. It made me cry with a blend of emotions. I truly appreciate people who have the gift of writing as you do. We’re all swirling in and out of light and dark days, and your words really touched my heart.
Thank you, Donna! Writing is definitely a calling of mine. It is great to hear that it offered some catharsis for you. Hope this finds you well.
I so loved your post ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Marti!
You have an authentic, honest, vulnerable spirit. Thanks much for writing your truth and being willing to share with us all. I do believe there are so very many of us feeling the same way and connecting to others is helpful. In the chaos of raising 4 beautiful daughters, please try to find a few minutes for yourself to recharge as it seems as many of us have done; we give all that we have to those we love and then we wake up one day exhausted with all we have given. Blessings to you and your beautiful family for health, happiness, and a return to some semblance of normal very soon!
I live in PA in the heart of many Amish communities so if there is something you would like from this end of the world, I would be most happy to send a care package your way. It would give me something to smile about as well as those beautiful girls. You can find me in messenger or reply to email.
Take good care!
Thanks, Jacqueline! I am an over-sharer and can be honest to the point of bluntness, sometimes…but maybe the world needs more of that :). I will heed your words of advice as my reserves (like many parents, caregivers…and pretty much everyone) can get close to depleted at times. A care package would be so fun, what a generous offer! I cannot think of something off the top of my head, but I’ll think on it.
I so enjoyed your writing and pictures. Your young family is so enjoyable to see and it looks as though you do family things together. I am 80 this year and my life has been rich and blessed with 2 wonderful children and now their children. So fun to watch them grow and see what they are becoming. I have one in college, two that are juniors in high school and lastly Emma in middle school. I live on a lake in Michigan so I enjoy nature as you and your family do and appreciate it as well. This is my first reading of anything you have written and I so enjoyed it. Carry on dear one, you are a blessing to your family and keep writing when you get that extra minute (those precious minutes of your own).
Thank you, Susan! We do enjoy doing things as a family and are looking forward to years of adventures together. Thank you for sharing your experience as a grandmother in Michigan–so much beautiful nature to share with those we love.
You were missed..oh, such beautiful babies..it was great to hear from you..
Thank you, Donna!
What a wonderful surprise this morning to see your blog! With a hot cup of coffee I enjoyed reading the past 10 months of your journey and seeing the perfect pictures of your growing family. Keep blogging when you can, it brings smiles to many people out here, especially this past year. Take care of yourself and the precious ones.
Aw, thank you Lisa!
Blessings to you and your beautiful family. I understand a lot of what you say. I was able to live in rural Alaska for nine years, but felt that my family in Michigan was a “world away”. You are doing a wonderful job of taking care of your family, but as somebody mentioned, make SURE to make time for YOU, to not lose sight of YOUR needs, as well. Can you say where you live, up there? Just curious if it is anywhere close to where I lived. I wish you good health ad happiness.
Hi Colleen! We live in Palmer–so it isn’t very rural by Alaskan standards, and it is moving away from the accepted definitions of “rural” even by lower 48 standards. And thank you, re: Me time. I definitely get some here and there and it is always appreciated. My partner is very gracious in helping me find time to regather and recharge. Good health and happiness to you, too!
This is the first time I have discovered your writings and I enjoyed it so much. Writing is also what I do best so I doubly enjoyed yours. I enjoy watching the girls grow–I saw your oldest when she was just a baby and now is 7! Wow–time moves on. I remember the two oldest ones at your beautiful outdoor wedding. Looking forward to your next writing.
Hi Pat! Glad you found the blog :). I’m shy of self-promoting. I guess the last time I saw you was Ian’s wedding, but even that was fleeting with the weather and wrangling kiddos. Hope you are well!!
Good to see you again! You are blessed to have such a strong bond with each other. I’m a proud girl mom too and love it. Except mine are now in the teenage years! So watch out for that time when your girls get there! My husband and I started as friends years ago and we still like/love each other, even when we milk cows together…everyday…no matter what… this past year was truly an eye opener and while we didn’t get a chance to slow down (gotta love farming!) we did, however, appreciate the work we do have. Many blessings to you and your family!
Thanks, Amanda! Oh yes, we have heard the warnings :). I loved my forays into milking cows when watching a friend’s farm in my younger days. My husband grew up on a dairy farm and had to help out a lot, really great memories. Blessings to you!
Glad to see you back.
Thank you, Ann!
LOVE all the pictures! THANKS for sharing! My 4½ year old grandson saw the picture w/ your daughter eating the carrot & he said that was one BIG carrot! 🙂 I missed you, but, with 4 kids & COVID-19, it certainly has taken it’s toll! and trying to adapt to the new “normal” is not easy! I had COVID-19 in February 2020, & again in October 2020 (very mild, BUT, I lost my sense of smell, and not all of it has returned yet)
Thanks, Barb! yes, it was a HUGE carrot–over two pounds! My neighbor grew it as my kids (mostly Opal) ate ALL of our carrots by August when they were mostly little! Sorry to hear you had Covid twice. Losing my sense of smell was very strange, especially since it is usually very keen. I hope yours comes back sooner than later.
Family (fur-babies too)…love…laughter…memories…smiles…giggles…tiny hugs…beautiful moments of pure joy…creativity, solace, the ethereal wonder of nature….trials, tears…fears…the circle of life…thank you for sharing your blessings… concerns for all around you near and far…you are truly a gift to all of us…welcome back!!
Thank you Carmen! So many feelings and events 🙂
Yes, I’ve missed you and your family. So interesting you read about life in Alaska.
So much fun to see how your girls are flourishing.
Enjoyed your post and very glad you have return safe and sound.
Best wishes for 2021!!
Wende
Thank you, Wende! I missed the crew here, too.
Wonderful update! Thank you. Very relevant for all of us, especially in the emotional toll of this past year. Hang in there, and keep the faith!
Thank you, Teresa!
Congratulations on the birth of Nova. She is beautiful as are your other girls. Glad that you are all feeling better. We have been praying for you during your pregnancy. Our cousin and her husband had Covid 19 Virus as did our friends granddaughter. Thank God they all recovered. We have been staying home. Marion has asthma so she has to be careful. We order everything on line. We have been keeping busy reading and doing puzzles and playing games. Thank You for writing. The photos are lovely. Stay well and safe. God Bless.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO OPAL
Joan,Marion and Marilyn
Thank you, Marilyn! I am so glad to hear that you are able to stay home to protect your family members. Thank you for the prayers and thoughts.
Thank you for your honesty, bravery and picture taking. In time I hope that you will see that you are an outstanding human being and are so loved.
Lauri
Aw, thank you, Lauri. I definitely feel all of the love…working on the outstanding bit :).
I love you! I savored these flowing and meaningful words, and the pictures. Love the one of you at the beginning, Nova in her fave pose, Nova with her mermaid tail, Nova with all the items around her, and Evan smiling huge. I sure do miss you and I am also sad that we haven’t been able to be physically with each other lately. However I know for sure that we will always be close and connected no matter how far the physical distance or no matter how long in between our cherished phone calls. xoxoxo+booty smack
Thank you, yen! Love you so much! let’s talk, soon. Miss you, woman!!
Welcome back & congratulations on your beautiful baby girl & kitten! It’s good to see you back here!
Thank you, Denise!
Even without Covid, I think you would have been busy!! Other than a broken leg, which healed just fine, my year has not been bad at all. I do not mind avoiding crowds and staying out here in my woods… I have 2 grandchildren who live here…my older granddaughter with her herd of dairy goats and her 15 year old brother, who wanted to go to the high school here and not where their dad lives…he floats back and forth between there and here…helps his sister with the goats, does a terrible job of keeping up with his school work, but was my lifesaver when I broke my leg!! (Since it was due to his dog that I ended up with a broken leg, I think he felt responsible– anyway, he’s a great kid!). Enjoy your girls! They don’t stay little long!! I have 2 great grandchildren I have never seen… thank goodness for Facebook!! Life is good.
Wow! Sorry you broke your leg, but glad to hear you had some support. I hope it’s a treat to have your grandkids around!
So fun to hear from you again! Our one and only baby girl was an Alaskan too! I love your photos and comments about your life there – brings back so many memories for me – so…thank you!
Gotta love our Alaskan babies! Thanks you!
Welcome back! You were missed. And thank-you for your honest words. Your plate has been heaped and you made a good choice. But again, welcome back!
Thank you , Debbie! Great to be back 🙂
My granddaughter had her third little girl in March. They have a small farm, with a garden and chickens, and the odd goat or two, and luckily, with precautions, her older two are in school. I’m lucky that I’m part of their “safety” bubble, but sometimes like what happened to you, the spread of covid seems so random. Stay well.
Thank you, Linda! I hope you stay well, too. Congrats on your new grand daughter!!
Alex, you have a beautiful family and I am happy to see you back, but don’t worry about trying to be here every month – we understand. Take your time and enjoy life as much as you can. I am so glad you got over the CoVid as so many of my friends have done. My family has not gotten it and we hope no one will. A few friends have and survived it also, while I have read about so many who didn’t make it. Prayers to all who have lost family or friends for whatever reason. May God bless all.
Loved reading this. I could relate to a lot of it…took Covid seriously (still am even though I’ve had my 2nd vaccine), and over the months lost two close friends (one to Covid for sure), a former co-worker, and my daughter, husband, and 2 of 4 boys got Covid (even though they are pretty careful). Take good care of you and your special family.
Thank you so so SO much for a wonderful update, fantastic photos, and your wisdom in these ‘interesting’ times. Nova….WOW! What a little gem she is! Happy happy congratulations on that little mermaid!
Beautiful post thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤️