Dear Little One

Happy Holidays Farmgirls!  It sure is feeling Christmassy around here.  Our tree is up, our stockings are hung (Santa even visited the stockings early…) and there are scraps of wrapping paper accumulating here and there.  I’ve sent off most of my gifts and have been contemplating what treats we should start baking.

Ava hangs her first ornament on our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.

This is not normal for me!  I’m usually a last minute shopper–even going out on Christmas Eve.  It turns out that nesting instincts in late pregnancy are great for rehabilitating this Christmas procrastinator!  it feels good to have nearly everything done with more than a week to spare.  I hope your holiday planning and festivities are going smoothly, too.

This Christmas is special for us–we don’t know how many people will be in our family come Christmas!  Three or four?!? Only time will tell.  However, I’m betting on three, I’m thinking this baby will come between Christmas and New Years…only time will reveal if my hunch is correct…although my practice Braxton Hicks contractions have been coming on pretty strongly over the last few days.  Also, my mother just arrived from Minnesota, so now my mind is super ready for this baby to come!

A little over two years ago, I wrote a letter to the then unknown little fetus, Ava.  It was one of the most therapeutic actions I took before her arrival, and I will cherish that letter, always.  I hope she will, too.  I guessed in that post that Ava would arrive a full thirteen days before she was actually born!  So…my guessing game doesn’t have a great track record.

This pregnancy, being my second, has been a little different.  There isn’t the same palpable sense of mystery, however the excitement is still there!  While the suspense surrounding becoming first time parents is long passed, we are full of nervous and excited anticipation about our growing family.  It’s interesting to me how my first pregnancy was all about the new baby, and this one is more about our family.

I have written another letter for this little guy or gal.  I hope you enjoy it.  Baby Wilder 2.0 is due Dec. 23–who knows when she or he will arrive? Soon!

You’re getting pretty big in there, Baby.

Dear Baby Wilder, 

This is your mama.  You have heard my voice since you could hear, you have felt me playing with your kicking feet, and you have listened to the rhythmic sloshing of my insides for quite some time.  You have also made your first impressions on me.  You seem to be a night owl, kicking and rolling into the wee hours of the morning.  You also want to make sure that I don’t accomplish too much during the day–my pelvic area is your favorite playground, leaving me pathetically pain ridden after a few hours on my feet.  

You have received countless kisses and raspberries from your big sister.  She loves babies and she will love you.  We can’t wait to see you two teach each other and learn from one another.  I imagine that you two will be a force to reckon with at times.  

Your father has a calming effect on you.  He has only felt you kick a few times because every time he puts his hand on my belly, you quiet down.  He is a pretty peaceful dude, so I get it.

You have already danced, hiked, cooked, sang and played with our family.  Your sister has climbed on you, your dog has sniffed you and your dad has sung to you.  We are all SO excited for you to make our family a foursome.  We are pretty fun people, we hope you love us as much as we love you.

This second pregnancy has been more difficult than my first in physical ways–I don’t have the luxury of napping at all times.  I was so sick with you for my entire first trimester plus a few weeks.  We moved and had to deal with a car accident all while I was fairly pregnant with you.  I’ve been chasing around (well…chasing is a strong word!  I’ve been waddling after) a busy toddler and trying to balance the well-being of the whole family (you included) while keeping my sanity and energy up.  

But you know what?

I’d do it a million plus infinity more times just for you.

You are worth it, and I can’t wait to see you and your future.

I have hopes and dreams for you too, little one.

I hope you understand that love is not a finite thing.  It grows and grows.  It follows no laws of conservation.  While time will be fragmented, our love for you never will be.  I hope you try your hardest at your endeavors and understand that failure is okay.  Failure is an opportunity to try again or attempt a new approach or at least an opportunity to meditate on what happened.  I hope you embrace your individuality and travel the paths that beckon you.  I hope you are full of adventure.

I dream that you will have a world outlook that takes in a multitude of perspectives.  I dream that you will make a difference in the lives of many.  I dream that you will be mostly happy in your life and with your decisions.  Mostly, I dream that you will always be loved as much as (or even more than!)  you are at this very moment.

You are already perfect to me.  You are the perfect little bubski.  You are the perfect addition to our family.  I know you will drive me crazy at times and make me feel like I’m living in a zoo…but it will be the most perfect kind of zoo!

I love you little one, and I am eagerly awaiting your decision to come earthside.  Stay cozy in there until your big day comes.

Love you forever and ever, 

Your Mama

For laughs, because we all need ’em.

Again, a very Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Sending peace and Love from Alaska,

Alex, The Rural Farmgirl